My heart is aching. I can’t possibly understand, even a little bit, what this child is going through, but still my heart aches.
Because it’s not fair. This precious little girl shouldn’t be sobbing in my mother’s arms begging for her parents. Begging for something we can’t give to her.
All because of sin.
All because the world is so so broken that babies can’t stay with mommies because mommies can’t shake the grip that Satan has on them.
It’s not fair that one family should feel the need to constantly take in every child that comes their way, because who else will?
It’s not fair that this little girl doesn’t know about Jesus.
It’s just not fair.
It’s so hard to sit down and write when I feel so discouraged by what happens around my family and these children. I feel like writing is the most pointless thing I could possibly do. I want to do something. I want to change something. I want to charge into battle and fight for the hearts of these kids.
No matter how many kids we take in.
No matter how many cars we get to fit this ever growing family.
No matter how many sets of bunk-beds we stack up, there will always be more.
There will always be more children suffering. There will always be a child in an unsafe, unloving environment.
And that kills me. Because I can’t rescue them all. I can’t hold them all. I can’t love them all.
I know people think we’re crazy for how many kids we take in, and how we almost never say no to a placement. I know that. And there have been times when I was so overwhelmed by foster care that I wonder if we are, too. But I always come back to the fact that this is what God has called my family to do. No matter how much I want my own room, my own bed, my own time… none of that matters. I don’t care. If I have to give that up for this cause, then I will.
Yes, there are days when I’m up with my mom at 2 in the morning taking care of crying babies. Yes, there are days when I say no to hanging out with friends because I know my family will need my help at home. Yes, there are days when I want to lose my mind. Because with five kids in one room, my dreams of a perfectly cleaned bedroom are less than likely.
But I’m okay with that. I’m okay with all of that.
Sure, there are days when I’m not as okay with it. When I get overwhelmed, and frustrated. But at the end of the day, I get to say goodnight to my five little siblings who, without foster care, wouldn’t exist as my own.
At the end of the day, I have a great life. I have nothing to complain about. Because the Lord has blessed us so greatly with these kids.
At the end of the day, we’ll never regret what we do.
At the end of the day it’s all worth it to watch the way Jesus takes this messy world and creates the beautiful picture that is life.
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